quarrel with family

[kamadoma]

just got into a really big quarrel with mah dad today. he's the type who gets drunk and at times gets uber mad like berserk.

so this night he was outside there was this cat on the roof i think, then suddenly someone threw a stone to the cat. knowing that our roof got hit by the rock, he was driven mad. (yes kinda high-blood type of guy).

He told me that we should go and challenge those who threw the rock to a fight. he was in our yard yelling whoever threw the rock to get out. it seems there are few people outside, and I can't bear him yelling like that. So I told him to stop it and let's just get back in the house.

He knew I used to try karate and practiced taekwondo for some time before (apparently I've stopped now). And then after some minutes he asked me, "bakit di mo ba kaya pagtanggol sarili mo? sayang yang karate mo!"

Being knowledgable on martial arts even for a few things, what I know is one should avoid a fight if possible.

So I just kept quiet. If I'd answer he might reason out more which might lead to serious quarrel.

But then he came back again after some minutes and asked me again the same thing with a much louder voice. But then I told him: "Pwede naman po daanin sa maayos na usapan eh."

But then he replied: "e binabato na tayo di ka pa ba lalaban? Eh kung araw-araw na lang yan di ka pa ba lalaban?" something like that. THough it was the first time someone threw a rock for a cat and accidentally hit our roof, which ain't much of a big deal to me.

Then I got quite sick of his voice and said, "kung pwede naman sa maayos na paraan ng di makipag away bakit hindi na lang ganun."

And then he reasoned out more, saying what if they're throwing rocks (but they're not) every day. But then I got really pissed off coz all he do is make reasoning and gets out his anger on me. So I told him. "O sige di kayu na lang makipaglaban"

I'M a Practitioner of martial arts before, no matter how useful or useless my skills would be now, I would try to avoid a fight as much as I can, because martial arts is not for picking fights. It teaches us character, it doesn't teach us to be war freaks.

But then after hearing that pissed off line that I said, he got mad with my answer to him. And then he just started swearing me for being such a "bad" boy. And then he started yelling stories on why our family was dysfunctional, things like that, why our family was problematic, etc. etc.

(yep we are a dysfunctional family)

and finally after maybe an hour or two of yelling, silence, yelling, silence. he finally slept.

Things that alcohol can do huh? Not only that he said he won't be paying for the house's electrical bills, he won't give me money nor spend Christmas with us.

(yep I think he lives with another family during weekends which might be why he's always not home during fridays-sundays)

I'm all used to it. Well at least I was able to stop him from picking fights with the neighbor. Though all his anger went out to me. He even wanted to fight me outside during our very serious quarrel. But no way he can't make me fight him, not unless he tried to hurt me.

It's always a lose-lose situation when my dad goes mad. If you won't answer his questions, then he'll get mad coz you're "rude". But if you answer, it's either he thinks you're "sumasagot" or he'll just reason out to make himself right. And now he's doggone mad at me, probably at me and my mom. He even told me I wasn't an alinan (my surname) but a clanor (mom's maiden name), he seems to be somehow mad at my mom's side of family.

only way I won is...

"The best way of winning a fight is not getting into one."

[Shin Getter P]

I'm sorry to hear what happend to you. Doesn't karate teach you that martial arts is used to protect oneself and not pick fights? Anyway, I hope you and your dad will get back together in good terms. It's the season to be loving and forgiving. I hope he can see the errors of his ways.

Peace!

SGP

[kamadoma]

exactly! it's not for fighting! it's for character development.

well one thing for sure is I might not be able to get big money from him this christmas, so I gotta rely on mom's daily allowance to get my zoids.

"O sige di kayu na lang makipaglaban"

that line was probably some sorta foul, but if he wanted to reason out and he wanted to show that we should fight, then I told him to fight.

He then probably thought that it's like I want him to go fight alone. He thinks I chickened out. But my martial art training before isn't for such purpose.

[archaznable]

Karate is by all means for self defense only not using it as an offensive weapon you were only tot to learn karate for self discipline and hard work and for exercise. Well maybe you said the right thing kasi your dad was forcing you to fight others which is really not right. I think you should give your dad a very good book this coming christmas to read like a Bible for instance it is a good book about life i tell yah he will change after he read it Bible have change so many people's life. Maybe when he reads the bible he realized that he was wrong. *amen. If he doesn't read the Bible force him to read cause everything on the bible is God's words and stories. Explain to him why you give him that kind of book after you give him the gift and explained everything give him a hug talk to him seriously talk to him how you feel reflect and rejoice. I hope this helps your problem.

haay adult matters nga naman they usualy bring there problems with children maybe Yushiyuki Tomino (creator of Gundam) was really right on his Gundam series why children was used during the war. Children shouldnt be used in adults matter no matter what the cause.

[patacat]

my dad told me this story one time:

a friend of his had a younger brother who always got beat up when they were young and he couldnt do a thing to protect him. so what my dad's friend did was to learn karate. he got addicted to it and became a black belt in no time and still practices the art to this day. the last time my dad and his friend met up he asked his friend if he was that good in karate. obviously the guy said "yes". so my dad asked "pare, kun may kaaway b tyo ngyn na may dalang kutsilyo mapagtatanggol mo b tayong dalawa?" my dad's friend then said "sira ka ba? tatakbo tyo. marunong ako magkarate pero d ako makikipag sugal sa buhay ko!"

hehehe. ;D

martial arts is for protecting oneself and others when totally no other option is left. even the masters dont go out picking fights. good for you for keeping a cool head kamadoma. hope things between you and your dad work out.

[V2]

i think martial arts is something to be used as a last resort. as much as possible, avoid confrontations if necessary. besides, even if you know/mastered any martial art, its a different case when it comes to the actual point wherein you're in that kind of situation. you're no ryu, eugene or akuma to begin with - heh.

as you did correctly, you walked off from starting a confrontation. violence results to more violence - its a circle that never ends. so its better off to give way.

[kamadoma]

well with the "O sige kayu na lang makipaglaban" line I told him, he stopped for a while. (that's where the topic ended about fighting the neighbor)

but then a new topic arose, now he's telling me I'm sumasagot/rude/duwag. Then he started telling stories why our family was dysfunctional, but those are things he used to tell everytime he quarrels with my mom.

Oh well I just redirected his anger from the neighbor to me. He told me he won't be giving me any cent, so I guess mom's daily allowance is all I'll have for buying zoids eh?

[patacat]

maybe your dad's just getting old. mine acts up almost the same way as yours does. he'd start off gettingmad at my sister for coming home late and then he'll get mad at the rest of us just because he already is. my dad's pushing sixty and maybe part of the reason why he's always uptight and angry is because we're all growing older and he feels he's losing his grip on us and he doesn't want that. its like he wants to always be in control of things. so maybe that's what your dad is going thru. or something like it.

[Hayabusa]

You've mentioned that your dad drinks right? I think that's one of the first things you should address if you want to iron things out with him. It's a hazard not only to your family but also to his health. I had an uncle who passed away who also drinks and has a high-temper. He was kinda like the black sheep in the family due to his drinking habits and our family felt bad that we weren't able to save him. We thought that letting him be and not doing anything would be better. Leaving things "as is" sometimes doesn't work; take action while it's not too late. Good luck.

[r2d2t2]

i agree with Haya there. keep ur dad free from alcohol.
and good job on not picking a fight.

[kamadoma]

patacat I think he's around his 40-50's.

I dunno but it seems he's alcoholic. You know drinking everyday. And you can't stop him from doing that. Though it's not all the time that he gets mad.

Oh well I'd just find out later is he's ok or not. Sometimes when he gets mad the next day he apologizes. Or the anger just subsides after some days.

I hope he gets ok soon, coz I don't want any more yelling inside this house.

But really I'm quite annoyed by that fact that he's drunk and he gets mad with an accidental rock throw into our roof and now he wants a fight, and he wants me to join him.

[kamadoma]

@uop I think he gets around 5-6 a day...

[twisted]

even if there's no event to celebrate?

[patacat]

twisted said:

even if there's no event to celebrate?

that's how drunkards are (no offense to your dad kamadoma). but can you get drunk that bad with just 5-6 bottles? i can drink up to 7 or 8 before i start acting out of character. and that's just me being a little more talkative.

[r2d2t2]

when i get drunk, i dont go berserk. its the other way around actually. im just quiet.