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Post by Uberjam on Oct 17, 2005 9:49:04 GMT 8
hey guys know any good joke/s lately or has something funny happened to you before or today? post away so we can all have a good laugh about it ;D
oo nga pala guys, iwas iwas tayo sa mga green jokes. baka me makabasa na minor mahirap na ;D
CHEERS ;D
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Post by Uberjam on Oct 17, 2005 10:00:53 GMT 8
here's a joke:
one foggy night at sea the night watchman saw a light directly in front of their vessel, he told the captain of his findings and of course the captain took the radio and said "approaching vessel. please change your course 17 degrees east"... after a few seconds the radio crackled and a reply was heard "approaching vessel. please change your course 17 degrees west!". the captain a bit irritated replied and said "approching vessel, this is the captain speaking! please change your course 17 degrees east" and of course a reply was heard... "captain sir, this is petty officer jones, please cahnge your course 17 degrees west sir". and now the captain is infuriated and said "this is a battle ship son, change your course 17 degrees east!", petty officer jones replied "this is a light house sir, your call?"
CHEERS ;D
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Post by archaznable on Oct 17, 2005 13:12:17 GMT 8
oh oh i was one hehehe here is the funny part lately sa outing namin dun sa batangas humiram ako ng bumbila kay ate (yung care taker ng tinutuluyan namin bahay sa beach) para sa CR kasi madilim eh 5:00 palang in the morning eh kumukulo na tiyan ko  kailangan ng ilabas hehehe  tapos edi ok na kinakabit ko na yung bumbilya tapos nararamdaman ko parang something kaka iba not my tumy ofcourse like parang may sapot ako nararamdaman ko  sa kamay ko parang kinakalibutan na ako ah tapos nag hahanap ako ng switch ng ilaw ayun na kapa ko sa may tabi pala ng pintuan pag kabukas ko ng ilaw nagulat ako waaaaaaaah ..... ang laki ng gagamba kaya pala parang tumataas na balihibo ko nun eh ang haba pa ng mga paa tapos not so black naman i hope its not a black widow tapos ang masama pa nun yung gagamba nakakapit sa may gilid ng wall kung sa malapit yung switch ng ilaw natatakot ako patayin yung ilaw kasi baka biglang lumapit yung gagamba sa akin eh napatay ko naman yung ilaw grabe umurong tuloy yung pagrerebolusyon ng tiyan ko hehehehe badtrip talaga yung gagamba na yun di ko siya malilimutan hehehe grabe tumaas yung balahibo ko nung makita ko yung gagamba na yun dalawa pa man din silang malaki ..... Dalawang beses na nangyari sa akin yun eh napigil ko yung tiyan ko hahahaha .... muscle control ..... *wink *wink ;D ;D |
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Post by kamadoma on Oct 17, 2005 19:28:04 GMT 8
ano tawag sa isang nahati sa gitna? --> TU-Na
ano tawag sa isang mamamatay na? --> Dying
ano sabi nung mga posporo nung nagkasalubong sila?
--> MATCH tayo!
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Post by patacat on Oct 17, 2005 22:24:33 GMT 8
Leaders of the world were talking about their country's achievements:
Russian president: kami unang nakapunta sa space!!!
American president: wala yan!!! kami unang nakapunta sa moon!!!
ERAP: HA!!! wala pala kyo sinabi e. kmi ang unang pupunta sa sun!
american president: sira ka ba? sobrang init ng sun. mamamatay kyo malayo p lng!!!
ERAP: e mas sira ka pala e!!! syempre alam ko un. kaya sa gabi kmi pupunta dun!
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Post by kamadoma on Oct 17, 2005 23:04:55 GMT 8
i love erap jokes hahahahaha.
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Post by Shin Getter P on Oct 18, 2005 8:30:40 GMT 8
I got one:
Title: Are Women Really Smarter Than Men?
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
[glow=blue,2,300]Male readers: Please scroll down. [/glow]
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
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Post by Uberjam on Oct 18, 2005 9:03:22 GMT 8
i got one:
sometime in the future, george bush, bill clinton, and bill gates died and went to heaven to be judged by St. Peter. when they got there St. Peter asked bill clinton "what do you believe in?" and bill replied "i believe the one should be faithful to his love ones" and so st. peter let him sit at his left hand side. he then asked george bush "what do you believe in?" and george replied "i believe in peace and the fight terrorism" and st. peter let him sit at his right hand side. he then turned to bill gates and asked "what do you believe in?" and bill gates simply replied "i believe your in my seat?" ;D
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Post by Uberjam on Oct 18, 2005 9:08:42 GMT 8
hey guys wanna know how GREEN your special someone or friend is? try this test and see what they say...
THERE ARE THREE WOMEN SEATED ON A PARK BENCH, AND EACH OF THEM ARE EATING A CONE OF ICE CREAM (dunno know what flavor, improvise na lang kayo dito hehehe)... EACH OF THEM ARE EATING THE ICE CREAM IN A DIFFERENT WAY... ONE OF THEM IS BITING ON THE ICE CREAM, THE OTHER IS SLURPING/LICKING ON ICE CREAM, AND THE LAST ONE IS SUCKING ON THE ICE CREAM... NOW HERE'S THE QUESTION... WHICH OF THE THREE WOMEN ARE MARRIED?
scroll down below for the answer but please give an answer first before you check out the answer...
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
THE ONE WITH THE WEDDING RING ;D
(is this considered a green joke? di ko kasi masabi kung green o hindi eh?)
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Post by archaznable on Oct 18, 2005 9:08:52 GMT 8
Here are some Erap Jokes hehehe .... ;D ;D ;D
The Russian president is in Manila on a state visit. Driving
into Malacañang with Erap, he sees a man peeing against the wall. He says, "In Russia we send people to the prison camps in Siberia, the coldest part of Russia, for doing that."
A year later the its President Erap turn for a state visit
to Russia. Driving into the Kremlin in Moscow they see a man peeing against the wall. He says to the Russian president, "I thought you send people to the prison camps for doing that."
"I wish I could, but I can't", said the Russian president, "that's the Philippine Ambassador."
--- > Peace ;D hehehehe ..... ;D
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Post by Shin Getter P on Oct 18, 2005 12:01:40 GMT 8
i got one: sometime in the future, george bush, bill clinton, and bill gates died and went to heaven to be judged by St. Peter. when they got there St. Peter asked bill clinton "why should i let you in to heaven?" and bill replied "i know i have sinned by coveting another woman and became unfaithful to my wife, but i have learned my lesson and regretted it" and so st. peter let him sit at his left hand side. he then asked george bush "why should i let in to heaven?" and george replied "i have done nothing but promote peace and fight terrorism during my time on earth" and st. peter let him sit at his right hand side. he then turned to bill gates and asked "why should i let you in to heaven?" and bill gates simply replied "i believe your in my seat?" ;D I don't get it.  SGP |
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Post by genocide on Oct 18, 2005 12:18:13 GMT 8
SGP: that's a good one!!!!
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Post by Uberjam on Oct 18, 2005 13:24:00 GMT 8
@sgp: uhm i think i wrote that joke wrong... teka edit ko nga ulit... sorry
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Post by Shin Getter P on Oct 18, 2005 14:13:52 GMT 8
Marriage jokes:
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ..... whether you're here or not."
[glow=red,2,300](DANG SHE'S GOOD!) ;D[/glow]
************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
[glow=red,2,300](HE ASKED FOR IT!) ;D[/glow]******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
[glow=red,2,300](YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!) ;D[/glow] ******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
[glow=red,2,300](RIGHT ON, LADY!) ;D[/glow]**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
**************************************
SGP
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Post by Shin Getter P on Oct 18, 2005 14:16:23 GMT 8
Another one, enjoy ;D:
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this...
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't t use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, this check is only made out for $50."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
SGP
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kailangan ng ilabas hehehe 
tapos edi ok na kinakabit ko na yung bumbilya tapos nararamdaman ko parang something kaka iba 
sa kamay ko parang kinakalibutan na ako ah tapos nag hahanap ako ng switch ng ilaw ayun na kapa ko sa may tabi pala ng pintuan pag kabukas ko ng ilaw nagulat ako waaaaaaaah 
